二姐的大日子

上个星期六是家里老二的大日子，我的二姐在那一天出嫁了。简简单单的婚礼，几十个人的酒席，无所谓，开心就好吧。这一路走来，两个人并不是一帆风顺。这一天终于走到了，祝福他们，在天有灵的老爸一定很高兴吧！虽然婚礼简单，不过还是忙得我...不得不on-leave，不过忙得挺开心，累归累，烦归烦，可是一家人又聚在一起的空气真的很温暖。

二姐，成家了，一定要幸福哦！

跟一跟风，刚刚看到别人的friendster's slide show，我也来放一点那一天拍的照片:

Self-Worthiness

How easily is your ego bruised? How often do you shy away from social situations? How doubtful are you when it comes to your own opinions and actions? How satisfied are you with who you are and what you have? How harshly do you judge yourself? How often do you look to others for approval? How much love is in your life? How often do you worry?

Sorry if I overwhelmed you with the barrage of questions, but if your lingering sense is that you are generally unsure of yourself and that daily life, social interaction and relationships feel shallow and stressful for you, then perhaps you should try doing something about your self-worthiness.

If you think your self-worthiness is bed-ridden, then stop focusing on anything else. Almost nothing will work out for you if you don't get your self-worthiness up and running again.

You can never be happy by looking to others to validate your existence or value. The essence of self-worthiness is being true to yourself, no matter what you think others might think. No one else on earth is like you and therefore no one else on earth can know or understand you as well as you can. And regardless of what others may tell you about what's behind the door, only you can walk through it and find out for yourself. No one else can be responsible for you. Therefore, the first step to higher self-worthiness is to get to know yourself as well as you can, and to stop depending on the approval of others to fulfill you.

Some people have the misconception that they must suffer in life. They may not put it quite as simply as I have, but the core of the concept is similar. Somehow, they feel that life is suffering, that they must suffer for someone else's happiness, that misery is an essential part of life that must somehow be endured. Again, they feel this way because they do not think very highly of themselves; they feel they do not deserve to happy, that self-punishment is the only right thing to do, the only way they feel alive. That's why many people continue to allow themselves to suffer oppression, mistreatment, disdain and abuse.

Even though many people might say they want love and happiness; they might even pray for these things, but they do not take any real steps towards improving their situation. They continue to lament and wallow in self-doubt and misery, claiming helplessness when in reality, they're fully equipped to make things better anytime.

今天打开office的email, 看到了这一篇。Self-worthiness应该是‘自我价值’的意思吧？茫然的人，懒散的自己，在这一篇文中，看到了自己和许许多多人的影子。好吧，大家加油！

闲话家常-只是说说而已

记得很久以前mak有一个post是关于朋友的，没看得很仔细不过就是关于围绕在身边不同‘种类’的朋友。

今天想了想，有一些话想跟你们说一说，我不是要刻意讨好，是心里话。不过，不要随便对号入座。

有时候我们真的不知道自己到底要什么，到底想怎样。因为一个人的黑脸或一句好刺的话，我们苦闷了一整天，心里好想至少跟一个人说。说了过后，朋友给你安慰，支持你，陪你一起complaint，感觉真的舒服很多。可是，然后呢？问题还在吗？那个黑脸不在了吗？苦闷消失后我们就不再去想自己到底想怎样，等下一轮的苦闷来时再想吧？我也和你一样的。我们都在走一步算一步，遇到麻烦，烦恼时寻找庇护，好了就回去。

没有什么不对的，只是不要迷失了自己。有的朋友陪你一起骂，有的安慰你，有的很贴心，有的完全没有同理心，没有任何一个人可以让你完全依赖的，到了最后一切都看你自己。面对现实，面对问题。我当然清楚说得容易做的难，可是这是你自己的人生，再难也要做吧？抱怨，羡慕其他人是无法帮助你的。

现实真的很灰暗吗？是吧？还是不自觉中我们每个人都戴上了发了霉的隐形眼镜？如果用一双清澈的眼睛看世界，积极的面对现实，日子会过得开心许多，有了些阳光。可是心里不禁会感到那么一点点的自欺欺人。唉，我也不知道该怎么说。我从来不让自己去钻这个牛角尖，我们还太年轻，何必马上fix a conclusion? 你懂我的意思吗？

我们这一代，茫茫然中还是会有一些‘可大可小’的理想，不过常常找不到一个可以说服自己的理由，没有原动力。这是另一个朋友说的。是啊，无论做什么事，如果那股原动力断断续续的，我们不禁会怀疑自己是否可以完成它，甚至否定那个理想的重要性。如果你有在看，希望你已找到你的motivation，加油eh.

在每一个人的blog里，总是感觉前，感觉后的。不就是feeling嘛，可是不要太诗情画意（惨，好像在讲我自己）。在自己的blog里，大家都自恋得不行。有的突然变得很有墨水，有的纪录下自己的心情和体会，有的声东击西，有的拐歪抹角，有的乱写一通，就好像我这一篇，真的... 乱得可以，有够矛盾的。不过，好像只有在这里，才可以面对那个自己。

或许，我们都渴望一个空间，发泄不满和间接性的和朋友沟通。最近发现，原来感觉这个东西，也会消失。又来了，不知道要怎么说，就是... 好像藏了起来，或是不见了。或许这也是一种解脱，往前走的原动力。

最后要跟朋友们说说，请你们多了解自己要的是什么，多爱自己一点。与其等别人来救你，来爱你，不如爱自己多些。也可以这么说，不懂得自爱的人是没有能力去爱人的。当你懂得如何去爱自己时，人生会变得快乐和有趣许多，而我们都会重新找回对人付出真心的本能。

在我的blog里，写的纯属个人看法。有空聊聊吧？

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

又来了，又是另外一首歌。

Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae
Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same.
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you, Gotta love that afro hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.

girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

这一个星期，一直都是显显的。还是一样忙，却少了一点心，少了一点mood，少了很多感觉。我竟是在做一些无聊的事，看电视啦，上网看看那里有大减价啦，shopping，download 连续剧啦，听歌啦，摸东摸西的，就是不想动脑筋。

又来了，一种天生的惰性。

特别把这首歌点给还在寻寻觅觅的ah leng 和ah leng的朋友，let's go ahead.

I'll use this time to tell you how I've enjoyed your friendship these 5 1/2 years

Hello, report time.

First movie in 2007 - 父子
Second movie in 2007 - Helen the Fox
Third movie in 2007 - Death Note 2
Fourth movie in 2007 - TBC
Fifth movie in 2007 - TBC...

?!@#?!!!%#@?!!!
*TBC = to be confirmed

today received a card from my very good singapore friend. I already expecting it to come eventhough we just met yesterday... haha, nothing special but I did not wonder why she sent this card... I knew there was no reason for her to send it.

Do you know what is a 'happy moment'? While i was reading the card... I smile all the way and was so happy to read it... is just... her, my dear friend. "So, I'll use this time to tell you how I've enjoyed your friendship these 5 1/2 years. And wish you a happy new year."

谁说你一点都不浪漫？当我一读到这一句时，真的很窝心，心里有很深的感动，不知道为什么，或许我看到了一片真心。我不是一个很好，很sensible的朋友，甚至有时有点demanding。纷纷扰扰中，不求回报的真心最难能可贵。谢谢她从来都没有放弃这段友谊，从来...没有否定我。

side track... 以后如果我的男朋友也会写类似的话，我想我一定会嫁给他。

纯粹的喜欢, 这一首歌

前一阵子很爱听这首歌，最近下雨时听，感觉还是很不错。整首歌最喜欢它的过门，稍微注意听会发现背景加了很小声的火车声（好像是吧？）真的有那么一点的触动人心。不过，歌词倒是没有什么特别意义。

只是一种很纯粹的喜欢。

你为何 - 蔡依林

为何你带来风雨

雨中浪漫爱上你

你在我心
心里已让你占据我

心里我等待着你

爱上你难逃避

避不开还要去爱
爱得越深
心里面更加不放弃

心里面更加爱你

为何你不理不睬

让我独自等待
为何你此情不在

原来你不愿把我伤害
为何你把我放开

甜蜜回忆永在

期待你在站起来

别让这份爱变成悲哀

爱上你难逃避

避不开还要去爱
爱的越深
心里面更加不放弃

心里面更加爱你

*click 'play' to listen to the song

站在2006 与2007的交叉点

06 年的最后一天，住在JB的朋友去了KL，KL的人就去新加坡，回家乡的balik kampung，热热闹闹的家也少了几个人。

我找到两个老男人，去yamcha，聊聊天，没有所谓的countdown。在2007年前的几分钟，我们飚去pelangi indah公园的斜斜山坡上，超过180度的视野，静止的点点灯光是最好的布景，在差不多12点时，看烟花和听炮竹声（真的，不知道JB人为何放红炮）。不过，真的好漂亮。



我站在2006 与2007的交叉点，想起一些零零碎碎2006发生的事，有的很深有的很浅，望着烟花望着2007，新的一年，马上想起，自己又老了一岁（女人真的怕老，怕青春的消逝）。对于未来总是没有计划，总是走一步算一步的我，2007的意义只有‘又变老了’的感慨。

其实我也想对2006作个总结，对2007有些展望。

对2006：
对不起，有时日子真的过得挺迷糊，浑浑噩噩的。不过还是完成一些目标，满足了自己的物欲，用心体会新的事与物，了解一点自己：

• 终于不必再跟OCBC有任何瓜葛
• 终于有了一台自己的相机
• 买了另一台pc，在admiralty的房间里
• 第一次去了Redang，去pangkor，去gunung ledang体会荒山野岭的无助和回来后双腿的煎熬
• 第一次接触boardgame，学会玩puerto rico和ticket to ride （感谢kayu）
• 看了《伤心咖啡店之歌》，似乎开启心里很多道门，明白了，坦白了
• 第一次面对自己的感情，提起爱人的勇气，接受过后的舒坦与自然
• 终于决定不再逃避自己的弱点

2007的小小目标和展望：

• 学会游泳，讲简单的广东话
• 去香港（和一个朋友约好的，07年10月！）
• 提高工作效率，减少加班
• 努力点学习拍照
• 回去Salvation army每个星期give tuition
• 不再钻牛角尖，看开点，放开
• 对自己多点自信
• 不再complaint一些无聊的事
• 多关心和包容朋友和家人，别再视而不见
• 喜欢就去努力，想爱就要去爱
• 不行偷懒！
  

祝大家新年进步，身体健康！