My Life will...
This is really rare.
My entry in full English. For those English is excellent, please skip this post, or keep quiet when you see something funny if you persist to read on...
My life will... I doubt what will happen in my future. When I say this, I am actually referring to:
- the place I'll end up with
- who I'll stay with, or, who I'll spend the whole of my life with
- any other possibilities
Why is the place bothering me so much? I am not sure how about you. As for my case, I am a Malaysian Singapore PR, my life is a combination of life in Singapore, and life in JB. I always give myself an option to go back JB in future. Yes, always in future.
A few weeks ago, when I came back from Bintan, dajie was saying that nobody stayed at home with mum for the 'chap ngoh mei' (ie. yuan xiao jie)... I really felt something, a mixture of guilty and injustice. Why should I be blamed? My trip was planned and fixed very early, and I've told my mum very early that I will not go back home on that weekend. This is not only my mum but yours, is that because I am still available and relatively 'free', I should do more and more? How about my own life?
But again, I really felt guilty, for my insensitiveness and negligence. After my 2nd sis married, mum is staying alone at the double storey terrace, at night, during day time. Only on each Friday night, she can expect me to come back and stay with her. Although she never complain but I should know how it feels like.
Maybe... I should really consider returning to JB, my home. A lot of people wanted to come over to Singapore, and I wish to go back... is that sounds really impractical and silly? It doesn't really matter, at least for me. But what about my life? What will my life be in JB? I have been talking about my search for my life, my love and the future... I am not done here yet, at least not at this stage. Think further, what about my friends here? Those reading this now, and also those we shared happiness and sorrow.
This is really a dilemma.
I should have grown up, I should make my own decision. But what I am doing now, is to do nothing except waiting and dreaming, hoping the situation will get better somehow. But how?
Always in dilemma but still cheerful, my life story.
