My Life will...
This is really rare.
My entry in full English. For those English is excellent, please skip this post, or keep quiet when you see something funny if you persist to read on...
My life will... I doubt what will happen in my future. When I say this, I am actually referring to:
- the place I'll end up with
- who I'll stay with, or, who I'll spend the whole of my life with
- any other possibilities
Why is the place bothering me so much? I am not sure how about you. As for my case, I am a Malaysian Singapore PR, my life is a combination of life in Singapore, and life in JB. I always give myself an option to go back JB in future. Yes, always in future.
A few weeks ago, when I came back from Bintan, dajie was saying that nobody stayed at home with mum for the 'chap ngoh mei' (ie. yuan xiao jie)... I really felt something, a mixture of guilty and injustice. Why should I be blamed? My trip was planned and fixed very early, and I've told my mum very early that I will not go back home on that weekend. This is not only my mum but yours, is that because I am still available and relatively 'free', I should do more and more? How about my own life?
But again, I really felt guilty, for my insensitiveness and negligence. After my 2nd sis married, mum is staying alone at the double storey terrace, at night, during day time. Only on each Friday night, she can expect me to come back and stay with her. Although she never complain but I should know how it feels like.
Maybe... I should really consider returning to JB, my home. A lot of people wanted to come over to Singapore, and I wish to go back... is that sounds really impractical and silly? It doesn't really matter, at least for me. But what about my life? What will my life be in JB? I have been talking about my search for my life, my love and the future... I am not done here yet, at least not at this stage. Think further, what about my friends here? Those reading this now, and also those we shared happiness and sorrow.
This is really a dilemma.
I should have grown up, I should make my own decision. But what I am doing now, is to do nothing except waiting and dreaming, hoping the situation will get better somehow. But how?
Always in dilemma but still cheerful, my life story.
5 comments:
hmm..are you really going back? When I read your this post, I was thinking among "myself". I do have the same feeling as you on my mum. The only difference is my mum is not alone at nite time. I try n try to dig out my time for her, even i have got married. Sometime, I think that my family members are too rely on me. Every single little thing got to wait for me to resolve for them, that is damn tire. 这是不是周星驰戏里提到的，能力越大，责任越大。
So, I think you are uncertain bout your future life rite, 更别说计划了。What you can do, when you really go back to JB?
有时候我会想，为什么只有我在付出，他们呢？难道他们都不是妈妈的孩子吗?可是，我渐渐的看清楚一件事，很多事情，只有自己做了，才会心安理得。 所以，不要再去管别人有没有做，先管自己有没有做。只要自己有做，自己对得起自己的良心就好了。如果没有做的人反过来指责你，你自己心里也会暗笑让他自己去反思吧。
Like my fren coshinn, after her dad passed away, she choose to return to penang to keep her mum's company. Even her brother is there with her mum and her bf is in spore. Bcos, she thought that her mum needs her company and this is the "sth" that she can do, before she get married. she knows that her mum is no longer young, and she just do her part as a daughter, and hope to enjoy some memorable time with her mum when her mum is still "life"....haha...(这真的是她的想法，没有恶意的噢！）
I really wonder what can I do if I choose to return to JB. Seems that there are a lot of other ways to improve or resolve the situation. So, I am here just to 发发牢骚. Anyway, thanks! 谢谢你。
你的情况，跟我的很类似不是吗...但我从开始的不忿埋怨无奈麻木，到后来渐渐觉得，能够陪伴也是一种难得的幸福。我的心境真的改变很多。现在的我不再埋怨了。还有很庆幸的感觉。因为我知道，这才是我想要的生活。一种能让我觉得安心的生活方式。我们要的不过就是一种让自己开心的人生。但，每个人要的并不一样。像我妹妹，就勇敢的选择了自己要的人生。有时想想，她残忍吗？不，她只是努力的争取她要过的人生而已。没有什么的对与错...。取舍？是很难的学问。我们该慢慢的学吧。
我们都一样，是个离乡人，所以很了解你的情况。你好一点，有那种说回就回的方便与权力。相比之下，你的家不是很远，更别提什么方便不方便的问题。
我倒是觉得这个是心态的问题，那问题在于你的生活的重心是在哪里？如果家人是你的重心，为什么你会在这里？如果家人不是你的重心的话，为何你会觉得愧疚？
我们都很无奈，一条长堤的距离竟然拥有1变2的魔力。因为这个魔力，我们必须放弃一些东西而向现实低头。具体来讲，你已经很幸运了，你1变2的距离只有少过50Km，我得花200Km，zc得花600Km...
把自己的生活重心点给弄清楚，不要常常有那种‘身在曹营心在汉’的想法，而回到刘备的身边却遥望曹操的好处。不然你回到JB也是会面对同样的问题。
我也自身难保，但是每天都很清楚自己为什么了什么而活。活着，吃饱才能走更长的路。正如你上面朋友所说的，取舍。老天与新加坡政府是一样的，只会给你package，不会给你单项的选择。但是你要知足与觉得幸运，因为他不是马来西亚政府...
记得，生活的重心很重要。努力的健康活着，才能照顾你家人。加油啦！
长大了，就常常为自己的人生做出选择。
的确，一切就是在取舍之间。其实我就是很贪心，喜欢1变2的魔力和自由，又眷恋家乡的温暖。如果是这样的话，我又有何资格再抱怨，现在的情况是最理想的。
好吧，大家，谨此说声谢谢啦，全部人统统加油！
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